Broken
by houseenthusiast
Summary: Cuddy finally visits House after two years. Post Season 7 but no season 8 influences other than possible jail time. Reviews are love.


**A.N.: I wrote this inspired by a song called Broken by S. Carey. These are the lyrics: **

_"Stones on weathered shores. You were the one. I will always be there. Wrap your_ _loving arms around my doubt. I am tired of that .This won't get broken. Home on our front porch. All broken down I will always be there. Rest your weary head. Dismiss your doubt. I will always be there. This won't get broken."_

**The song is just so great for them even the music just sums them up. I hope you listen to the song. **

Cuddy was driving home from the hospital after a long day of work, thinking about how she always referred to it now as "the hospital" rather than "her hospital." Since she had left PPTH and took over as Dean of Medicine at Boston General, things had been much different. The fact that BG ran so smoothly gave her no feelings of control.

Even though Princeton Plainsboro had been hectic (and mostly because of House), she felt in control because she felt needed. That hospital needed her, or at least she thought it did while she was there. She handed a letter to the board two days after the accident and didn't look back. She had not even been within 20 miles of that hospital since she left. She hadn't read anything about it falling apart, so she assumed it was still running and successful. So maybe she hadn't been as needed.

Cuddy had grown and changed as a doctor, mother, and as a person since House's stunt two years prior. She learned that there was more to life than work. Or maybe just more to life than House. His absence had first given her a feeling of emptiness. It was like it was harder to get up in the morning because there wasn't a motivation to go to work. She couldn't admit to herself that House had consumed her life to quite that extent, but her position in Boston was nothing but a job. A way to provide for her and Rachel . But as time passed, she made friends, grew closer to her sister (but only because Julia agreed not to set Cuddy up on dates), and even developed a stronger friendship with Wilson.

When Cuddy told Wilson she still wanted to be friends, she made it clear for him to never mention House. And Wilson respected that. He never mentioned House to her. Cuddy had no idea if he was still in prison, if he had even made it to prison. For all she knew, he could have manipulated his way out of it. God knew he had done it a million times before.

Cuddy's muse was interrupted by her phone vibrating in her lap. She looked down briefly to see that it was Wilson calling, and answered it.

"Hello," Cuddy answered.

"Hey. It's Wilson," Wilson said. "Listen, I have to tell you something I think you should know."

His tone was serious.

"What is it?" Cuddy asked with caution.

"Well, it's about House, he—"

"Wilson, I made it clear 2 years ago, I don't want to hear about him. Don't finish that sentence."

"But, I think it's something you should know. You know I wouldn't bother you unless it was important."

Cuddy remained silent for a moment. She needed time to think.

"I'm in the car," Cuddy said a bit frazzled. "Let me think about it. I'll call you back when I get home."

"Okay, bye," Wilson responded. And Cuddy hung up the phone.

She took a deep breath as she began to process this. The fact of the matter was Cuddy was scared. Every way she examined this decision, her reasoning to turn the information away was out of fear. Hearing his name alone put a crack in the dam holding back a flood of feelings. To hear something about his condition could unleash emotions and feelings that had been building up and going crazy for two years now. She wasn't sure she could handle getting over him again. But there was a part of her, that longed to know every detail of his life for the last two years. And she was no coward. She was a strong woman and could handle to hear something about House. After all, it wasn't like she was going to have to see him, touch him, breathe him.

So as she pulled into the driveway and exited from the car, Cuddy pulled out her blackberry and called Wilson back.

He answered on the first ring.

"So what did you decide," Wilson answered quickly.

"Just tell me," Cuddy said.

"Okay, I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't bother you unless I thought—"

"Spit it out, Wilson."

"Right." Wilson took a deep breath before continuing. "House was in an accident."

With that statement, Cuddy felt like every organ in her body dropped to the floor.

"Is he okay?" She asked, trying not to let her voice to crack. It was a stupid question. Wilson wouldn't have bothered her if he was just a little banged up.

"Well he's stable, but his condition is critical," Wilson said.

"When? When did this happen?" Cuddy asked.

"This afternoon, leaving work."

Cuddy hadn't taken her coat off or put her keys down. She was just standing in her foyer. She turned around and walked out the front door towards her car.

"I'm on my way," she said after locking the front door.

"Cuddy, are you sure that's a good idea?" Wilson asked hesitantly.

"You wouldn't have told me this if it wasn't serious."

"But are you ready to see him?"

"I don't know, but I'm not going to not come, have him die, and then be racked with even more guilt and regret than I already have now," Cuddy said as she started the car. "I'll call you when I am close."

"Do you want me to tell him you're coming?" Wilson asked.

"No. I'm not sure I'm going to go into the room yet," Cuddy responded and hung up.

As she headed towards the interstate, she called her sister. She lied to Julia and told her there was a major emergency at work and that she needed her to pick up Rachel from the nanny and watch her. Cuddy knew it was wrong, but was in no mood and had no time to get a lecture about "two steps forward and three steps back." Julia agreed and Cuddy told her that she would be back to pick her up tomorrow night.

It was 7PM, and Cuddy tried to ignore the sound of her stomach growling. It had been a particularly busy day at work and she had no time to eat lunch. She dug for a granola bar.

It was almost midnight by the time Cuddy pulled into the parking lot of PPTH. Traffic had been a real bitch because of an accident. She had called Wilson about 10 minutes ago, who she could see was waiting for her in the main lobby.

Cuddy took a deep breath and wiped away a tear about to fall from her eye. This was all too sudden and a bit overwhelming. She didn't know what was going to happen when she finally saw House. She wasn't sure if she'd go into his room and speak to him. Hopefully he'd be sleeping, so he wouldn't know she was there. She got out of the car and walked to the front door.

"Hey," Wilson said as he gave Cuddy a hug.

"Hey," Cuddy responded. She tried to remain strong because just being in this building made her feel like she should maintain a positive exterior, almost like it was still "her" hospital.

People gave her strange looks as she walked towards the elevator. They were in just as much shock as Cuddy was that she was actually in the building. Everyone knew House had been hurt, so Cuddy guessed that her appearance hear made it all the more dramatic. She started to worry about what others would think, but remembered she no longer worked here.

Wilson and Cuddy headed to the ICU mostly in silence. When the elevator door opened, Wilson looked at Cuddy and asked,

"You ready?"

"Not at all," Cuddy responded as they walked out.

Wilson led her to House's room. When she saw him it was like the dam inside her burst letting all her feelings and emotions enter into her body and overcome her. He was asleep, or at least his eyes were closed. She stood and looked while a few tears fell from her face.

"Do you want to go in?" Wilson asked.

"Not yet," Cuddy responded. "I need to get myself together. So don't wake him up."

"Okay, take your time."

Cuddy nodded. She looked at House. She could do this. She could see him. She could talk to him. She could be near him.

She didn't know if she could reconcile. She wasn't sure she wanted to reconcile. She would cross that bridge when it came, if it ever did.

He needed someone familiar there. He looked worn and much older. House was still as handsome as ever, but stress and pain and trouble had worn him down and it showed.

So it was right then that she decided whether she loved him or hated him, she was going to walk into that room. Cuddy may have hated him the last two years, but the fact is that whether she was in love or enraged, for over half her life he had been a huge part of it. She didn't want to miss this chance.

Cuddy took a deep breath, wiped her face, and prayed there wasn't makeup running all over it.

"You idiot," Cuddy blurted as she walked in. It was word vomit.

House jumped awake and looked right at her. He looked surprised. Cuddy couldn't tell whether he was happy for this surprise or angry. His expression changed after a few seconds and he replied cooly.

"I'll have you know it was the driver of an 18 wheeler that was the idiot seeing as how he was the one who swerved into the right lane into me on my bike." He replied. He didn't act as if she had been missing from his life, but like he saw her yesterday.

"Well, I told you that bike was a death trap," Cuddy said as she pulled a chair up next to his bed. "The thing is so small, no wonder the truck didn't see you. And who the hell passes on the right?"

"People who are trying to pass idiot drivers going slow in the left lane."

She couldn't tell if he had changed or if he was just numb.

"How are you feeling?" Cuddy asked more seriously.

House looked away from her before responding, almost like he was trying to contain his shock that she was even here.

"Fine," he said shortly. "I'm on morphine."

Cuddy wanted to ask if he was still on vicodin, but then she rationalized that it didn't matter. She would leave here and return to her everyday life.

There were a few moments of awkward silence before House broke it.

"Cuddy, why are you here?"

"Wilson called. Told me you were critical. I didn't want to regret not being here."

"I destroyed your house, terrified you and your family, you would have nothing—"

"House, I'm here because we have been through half a life together. I'm not trying to figure things out between us. I'm not going to analyze every word and every feeling. I'm going to spend time with you because you need me. Because I need to be here. Because I'm supposed to be here. You are hurt, and when you're hurt, I show up. That's how it's been for almost 25 years, no sense changing now. "

House looked at her and smiled, but his facial expression quickly changed to a look of shock and pain.

"What? What is it?" Cuddy asked worriedly, instinctively grabbing his hand.

"Heart." It was the only word he got in before his eyes rolled back in his head and his eyes shut.

"WILSON!" Cuddy yelled. "GET A CRASH CART IN HERE."

Two nurses and Dr. Chase ran in along with Wilson.

"Wilson, get her out of here," Chase said. Wilson nodded and turned to Cuddy.

"Let's go," he said, walking Cuddy out of the room. Cuddy moved hesitantly and kept looking at House, until Wilson turned her around and took her out of the room. As the doors shut and the blinds were drawn Cuddy heard "Charging. Clear." Followed by the cardiac paddles.

Cuddy sat down in the chair and put her face in her hands. But she didn't cry. She left the tears when she talked to House. She wasn't going to cry over him. He had caused enough tears.

Wilson sat down next to her and put his hand on her back.

"Just relax," he said simply.

"I'm working on it," Cuddy said as she took a deep breath and looked at him.

Chase came out to the lobby. Wilson and Cuddy stood up.

"Hey Dr. Cuddy," Chase said and gave her an awkward hug.

"Hi Robert. What is going on with him?"

"I don't think his heart is going to make it much longer," Chase said. "That accident put it through a lot of stress, that with his health and life choices is not going to be able to be healed."

"Put him on the transplant list," Cuddy said frantically.

"No, you can't," Wilson said no. "He said he didn't want any of that."

"I don't care what he wants Wilson. You're his proxy. You put him on the damn list," Cuddy said.

"Cuddy, you don't work here anymore. I'm not your employee anymore. I'm just your friend. And House is my friend. And I'm not going to go against him. He's been through a lot."

This was crushing news to Cuddy, but still she didn't cry. She wouldn't cry. She would remain strong up until the end. That's what House needed was for her to be strong. But she could be strong and be angry. So she walked back into his room twenty minutes later after he had settled down.

"How many vicodin have you been taking the last two years for you to become this stupid?" Cuddy yelled as the doors opened.

"Well you don't like to enter this room without insulting my intelligence, do you?" House responded.

"You're really not going to try?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I don't deserve it!" House yelled.

They were in silence for a moment but their eyes never looked away from the others. House took a breath and continued.

"People need hearts every day. Good, decent people. People with loved ones. People who have done good. Not manipulative bastards like me, who have chased away the love of anyone who's ever tried to give me a chance."

Cuddy could just scream with anger. She knew he had done good in the world and for others. Certainly he hadn't done good for himself maybe, but in general he had done good. She hated him even more for being so stubborn which is when she came to a realization.

"Fine," Cuddy said. "But don't do it because of me. Because you think I don't love you anymore."

"I'm not putting my name on that list. This is over. We are over. You are here. You are with me and that's as good as things are ever going to get. I want things to be over just like this," House said sadly.

He looked away and Cuddy came closer. "You must hate me," House said. "I know you do, but I love you. And I think there might be a part of you that still loves me."

Cuddy looked at him straight in the eyes. She took in every word. She waited a moment before responding. She thought about every time House had built her up and then struck her down with one quick quip or action. And how he had drug her back into this vicious circle with a statement just like the one he had just said. She thought, she could end this and walk away or she could fall back into the same pattern that she had spent the last two years overcoming.

"House," Cuddy started. "There is no part of me that still loves you." He looked defeated. "Every part of me still loves you."

"What?" House said.

"If there is one thing I've learned these last twenty-five years it's that you could piss me off and I can hate you more and more. But no matter how much more I hate you, I don't think I can love you any less." Cuddy paused a moment, smiled, and continued. "Trust me, I've tried."

So Cuddy sat back down in the chair. House reached for her hand. He held it in his, and kissed her fingers. His touch felt like it was meant for her. Like no one else was supposed to touch her. Like it wasn't meant for anyone else but her. Cuddy smiled and stood up. She bent down to his face and gave him a tender kiss. They both lingered. Then Cuddy sat back down and held is hand.

"Everything is going to be okay," Cuddy said.

And after two hours of some sleep and the two of them together, Cuddy woke up as the sun was rising, and heard House's heart monitor start to slow until the beep tone was long.

She looked up at him and he had been looking at her when his heart stopped. It was over. She called Wilson in and got up from her chair and walked outside. She grabbed her coat, headed towards the elevator, emotionally numb to what just happened. Lingering in this hospital with Wilson would only bring more sadness and she wanted to leave here for the last time, leave House for the last time, with a good feeling, which he had brought her.

**The End**

***This was written for valespince over on h/c community on livejournal for the S.S. huddy project***


End file.
